Believing In Butterfly

The idea of setting a novel in a women’s refuge was met with great enthusiasm by a friend who had worked with Women’s Aid for many years. She was able to give first-hand information of what life can be like in such places and the variety of characters that find themselves there.

It would be easy to assume that the women ending up in such places are somehow uneducated, irresponsible or from deprived backgrounds but nothing could be further from the truth. People from all walks of life can find themselves in abusive relationships. Amazingly, women go back home on average of seven times before they finally break free permanently. Somehow, their partners have made them believe that what they are suffering is normal. Coercive control doesn’t need locks and chains to make someone a prisoner. It is all psychological.

You only have to see some of the early information programmes to witness the unbelievable oppression of women and how they were expected to confirm to ‘the little housewife’ role. Things have improved but it cannot be under-estimated just how much further they need to go. Women are natural nurturers, generally softer and more empathetic but no one could argue the fierceness with which they protect those they love. It is also worth pointing out that some women are capable of abuse not only to their partners but, amazingly, to their own offspring.

Two women are murdered by their husbands every week in the U.K. and yet funding has been going down in the last ten years and one in six refuges closing. Some men go out of their way to track down their runaway families and, if this happens, the women and their children must move to another refuge. The lives of the children are disrupted as they are forced to change schools and leave their friends behind.

Believing in Butterfly involves a variety of characters to show the diversity of the problem. It does contain some upsetting scenes but overall, its message is one of hope and encouragement; a message to urge those who have suffered, to break the ties that horrific memories can create and forge new and positive ones on which to focus. I thank all those ladies who so bravely shared some of their experiences with me. They are great examples of how it is possible to recover and move on.